Probably with fantastic lines like this:

“From the very beginning— from the first moment, I may almost say— of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry. Now will you kindly move your head to the side so I can devour your braaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!”

And only $12.95 for such fine english literature.